Let The Other Person Do Most of the Talking

November 17, 2011
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Dale Carnegie knew that most people, when trying to win others to their way of thinking, do too much talking themselves. Sales persons, especially, are guilty of this costly error. Let the other person talk him or herself out. He or she knows more about their business and their problems than you do. So ask him questions and let him tell you a few things.

Letting the other person do the talking helps in family situations as well as in business. Carnegie tells the story of Barbara Wilson, whose relationship with her daughter, Laurie, was deteriorating rapidly. Laurie, who had been a quiet, complacent child, had grown into an uncooperative, sometimes belligerent teenager. Mrs. Wilson lectured her, threatened her and punished her, but all to no avail.

“One day,” said Mrs. Wilson, “I just gave up. Laurie had disobeyed me and had left the house to visit her girl friend before she had completed her chores. When she returned I was about to scream at her for the ten-thousandth time, but I just didn’t have the strength to do it. I just looked at her and said sadly, ‘Why, Laurie, Why?’

“Laurie noted my condition and in a calm voice asked, ‘Do you really want to know?’ I nodded and Laurie told me, first hesitantly, and then it all flowed out. I had never listened to her. I was always telling her to do this or that. When she wanted to tell me her thoughts, feelings, ideas, I interrupted with more orders.

I began to realize that she needed me—not as a bossy mother, but as a confidante, an outlet for all her confusion about growing up. And all I had been doing was talking when I should have been listening. I never heard her.

“From that time on I let her do all the talking she wanted. She tells me what is on her mind, and our relationship has improved immeasurably. She is again a cooperative person.”

Keep this principle in mind during your future sales calls and watch your close-rate soar!

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